you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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