Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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