Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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