i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
