my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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