and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
