my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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