Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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