I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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