guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
