i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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