last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
