I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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