New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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