I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
