neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
