Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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