I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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