your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
