Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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