I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
