I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
