wakey wakey hands off snakey
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
