so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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