Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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