there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
