if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
