Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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