Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
