The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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