State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
