It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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