she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
