Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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