So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
