so explain again why im purple
no
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
