I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
