I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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