I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
