just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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