They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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