I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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