So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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