Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
