I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
