Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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