so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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