My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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