upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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