K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
