bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
