I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
