A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
