I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
