My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
