I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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