My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
