I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Where is the hickey?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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