Where is the hickey?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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