just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
