I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
