happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
