why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
