Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
