remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
